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Green Street Hooligans Reviewed By Peter Sobczynski Posted 09/09/05 14:00:07

"The 'Last Samurai' of soccer-thug films" (Total Crap)

Imagine “Fight Club” made by and for people who misunderstood the point of “Fight Club” and you might wind up with something along the lines of “Green Street Hooligans,” a dismal new drama that pays lip service to the horrors of being a member of a violent gang of thugs–well, a group of British soccer fans (yes, I know they call it football but this isn’t England) who cheerfully beat the stuffing out of anyone who dares cheer for a team other than theirs–while spending most of the running time suggesting that such a group helps build character and can transform a milquetoast schlub into someone who can finally stand up for himself.The schlub in question is Elijah Wood, who plays an American who flees to England to see his sister (Claire Forlani) after being drummed out of Harvard after being framed for drug possession by his rich, powerful and stoned roommate. Upon arriving, he falls under the spell of his brother-in-law (Charlie Hunnam), the leader of one of the more notorious firms and becomes a top brawler himself. (In other words, it is basically “The Last Samurai” with soccer.) Of course, it all ends tragically but in such a way so that when one of the main characters finally gets beaten to death, it is painted as a glorious and inspiring sacrifice rather than the inevitable end result of a life dedicated to pointless brutality. Sure, the guy has maimed and crippled dozens of people unnecessarily but he is just so darn magnetic in his final moments that you are supposed to overlook that pesky body count, I suppose. That ending really left a bad taste in my mouth–it is as bottomlessly offensive as anything I’ve seen in a while–but it is hardly the only flaw in the film. The screenplay wants us to believe that these jerks are really complex people who aren’t just brutes but illustrates it in the most generic manner possible–the brother-in-law who breaks people’s noses in the streets after games is also a history teacher and give his tube seat to a little old lady. The direction by Lexi Alexander is equally inept–the dramatic scenes are laughable, the lighter scenes are wildly inappropriate and all of the fight scenes have been larded down with so much post-production trickery that they become impossible to follow. Perhaps the latter was done in an effort to disguise the fact that Elijah Wood, despite the story’s dogged insistence to the contrary, is simply not a very convincing soccer hooligan. Despite that, the screwiest bit of casting has to be the inclusion of Claire Forlani (remember when she was going to be the next big thing after “Meet Joe Black”?) as Wood’s sister–since the siblings are supposed to be American, we are treated to the decidedly odd sight of a British actress in a British-set film trying to pass as an American with an accent that brings new meaning to the word “questionable.”“Green Street Hooligans” is a stupid and squalid bit of quasi-fascist entertainment that is more nauseating than edifying. The only thing more offensive than the way that it glorifies brutality are the half-hearted stabs at telling us that Violence is Bad–you can tell how much stock the film puts in it by the final scene with Wood confronting his college tormentor. Frankly the single positive thing to be said about the film is that I suspect that American audiences will probably pay it the same amount of attention as they do to the sport that it celebrates.
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